BBM’s Top 5 Parenting Survival Tips

Parenting is a process of ‘Survival of the Fittest’ and if family’s were animals living in the savanna’s of Africa I have no doubt that kids would be the Lions and parents the prey.

In my pride, parenting has always been about survival. Fighting for your own existence and just fighting in general are often not a daily, but hourly ritual, ending with bakedmumma and dadda at the bottom of the food chain.

My daughter, Miss Miller (age 5 going on 15) is most definitely ‘King of the Jungle’. Like the lion she is strong in her approach and always stands her ground unlike the lion, when things don’t go her way she can be found crying for hours and screaming ‘you’re ruining my life’. Like the king she is cunning and can out smart her fiercest competitor (me), when asked to have 10 mouthfuls of dinner before leaving the table she sneakily negotiates me down to 8. And like a true lioness with all her cunning and strength she remains majestic, with her big brown eyes piercing through you and tousled ash mane flowing beautifully around her neck.

As ‘King Miller’s’ appetite mostly includes me, I have developed an almost reflex instinct for survival which has kept me alive in even my darkest days. This wisdom is too valuable to be kept to myself so I’m going to let you in on my ‘Top 5 Tips for Surviving Parenthood’.

1. Giving In

My number 1 parenting tip is not to be too proud and actually follow through on your threats… GIVE IN, it’s all about survival remember. Idol threats are definitely the way to go, at least you have attempted being authoritative and in my books, that’s awesome!

2. Pick your battles

If the kid wants to wear a hot pink top with a blood orange tutu, frozen leggings, green socks and thongs – LET THEM, it’s not worth the battle!! Save your arguments for the things that really matter like actually wearing a seat belt in the car and holding your hand as you cross the road. Because honestly, anything other than your kid getting injured is not worth the battle.

3. Tiny Teddys, lollies, iPads, App Stores, Movies – Anything they bloody like

This one’s simply and an age old classic.

Eat your dinner and I’ll give you a donut, do your reader and I’ll download a new app, share with your brother and I’ll buy you a movie, lie in bed quietly and you can have the iPad. Axel is so attuned to being rewarded for sleeping through the night (something he fails at miserably) that when he does sleep through he will awake with, ‘Where’s my new footy cards’.

4. Showers and / or Baths

Axel and Miller love a shower and when I’ve had a tough day and need 20 minutes to cook dinner I’ll scream, ‘who wants a shower’, they think all their Christmases have come at once, especially when I let them use my shower.

This is a fool proof tactic 70% of the time, the remaining 30% can be divided in two. 15% for when Axel sits over the drain causing my entire bathroom, wardrobe and sometimes bedroom to be flooded and the other 15% for arguments leading to fights. Generally occurring when Miller bosses Axel around 1 too many times, which then results in a big red welt on Miller’s back, courtersy of Axel, and Axel being dragged out of the shower kicking and screaming. Otherwise, this is a winner and has given me a lovely break on many occasions.

5. Alcohol

I never understood why I especially loved my dad on Saturday afternoons / evenings, he would be rosy cheeked, telling lots of stories and basically letting me do whatever I pleased. I now know why… Alcohol!!! It really does make life better and dulls down even the loudest lion roar.

I hope these bakedmumma parenting tips help get you through the day. Armed with these tactics, some prescription medication and a bottle of red, I have managed to stay alive!

Cheers, love and survival,

Stace xxoo